deserts & manure

JMJ
AMDG
There are two passages I've come across lately in my Bible reading that have really stuck out.

So I will allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak to her heart. (Hosea 2:16)

A man had a fig tree growing in his vineyard, and he came out looking for fruit on it but did not find any. He said to the vinedresser, "Look here! For three years now I have come in search of fruit on this fig tree and found none. Cut it down. Why should it clutter up the ground?" In answer, the man said, "Sir, leave it another year, while I hoe around it and manure it; then perhaps it will bear fruit. If not, it shall be cut down." (Luke 13:6-9)

I think what this means is that it is sometimes necessary for life to suck.
I think what this means is that sometimes actual crap is what is necessary for our conversion and for us to turn to God.

It is an uncomfortable truth, to be sure, and rather a strange one.
He says, So I will allure her, and we think of pleasant times, of romance and sunsets and hours in Adoration where everything *feels good*--but then He continues, I will lead her into the desert and we aren't so sure anymore and WHAT IS THIS I WANT OFF.
But then He speaks to my heart. And to your heart. And that makes it worth it.

Because the desert is not the end game. The desert is not the point of life. The desert is a part of growing up. The desert is the spiritual equivalent of your awkward fashion phase in middle school. It will pass. It may take a while. It will pass.

The point of the desert is not to make you miserable. The point of the desert is to quiet your mind so that you can hear His voice again.

When He says I will hoe around it and manure it we get nervous. We want to hold onto the weeds in our lives, the little sins that are slowly choking us to death. We want thin soil, because it is safe; because it doesn't smell or feel uncomfortable.

But He knows best, and so sometimes it is necessary for stuff to stink. Sometimes we need hardship to develop the skills that lie inside us.

But remember: the point of the manure is not for it to be awful and painful and lead you to self-loathing. The point of manure is to help you grow. The point of the manure is for you to bear fruit.

And let's also remember that a good gardener does not wildly fling animal dung at his garden like WHOA YEAH LET'S MAKE A MESS IN HERE I BET I CAN COMPLETELY COVER THESE PLANTS WITH THIS MANURE. A good gardener analyzes the situation and gives a plant what it needs to grow. Sometimes that's manure. Sometimes it's more sun or more shade or maybe it needs to be watered.

And besides, this will not last forever. The last lines of Hosea chapter 2 are as follows:

From there I will give her the vineyard she had,

 and the valley of Achor as a door of hope. 

She shall respond there as in the days of her youth, 

when she came up from the land of Egypt. 

On that day, says the Lord, 

she shall call me "My husband" 

and never again, "My baal"*

Then I shall remove from her mouth all the names of the Baals, 

so that they shall no longer be invoked.

I will make a covenant for them on that day, 

with the beasts of the field, 

with the birds of the air, 

and with the things that crawl on the ground. 

Bow and sword and war 

I will destroy from the land, and 

I will let them take their rest in security. 

I will espouse you to me forever; 

I will espouse you in right and in justice, 

in love and in mercy; 

I will espouse you in fidelity, and you shall know the Lord. 

On that day I will respond, says the Lord;

 I will respond to the heavens,and they shall respond to the earth; 

The earth shall respond to the grain, and wine, and oil, 

and these shall respond to Jezreel. 

I will sow him for myself in the land, 

and will have pity on Lo-ruhama. 

I will say to Lo-ammi, "You are my people," 

and he shall say, "My God." 

(Hosea 2:17-25)

God bless. I'm praying for you.

*baal: lord/master

for those days

JMJ
AMDG

So, this is one of those days when the cat went missing and your keys went missing and that five bucks you thought you left in your back pocket isn't there, and you dropped your toast honey side down on the floor you didn't sweep, and now you're a mess and you got something sticky all down the front of your shirt and you're overall just a mess.

It's one of those days when you're crying in the shower and you're crying at your desk and trying not to let it show. It's one of those days when if you look out the window for too long, the trees will start to remind you of whatever it is that is breaking your heart and you start crying again.

Or maybe it's not one of those days. Maybe it's one of those weeks, one of those months, one of those winters, one of those years, of those couple years. Maybe you feel broken and unloved and lost and you don't know what to do or where to turn.

Dear heart, go to Jesus.

Once upon a time, not that long ago, I was having one of those years and my world was falling apart around me and I'd tried pride and I'd tried stubbornness and I'd tried getting angry and I was so, so afraid to try Jesus, because what if He didn't care?

Dear heart, He does.

He thinks you're beautiful. He rejoices over you. He is wildly, madly, in love with you. 

Ah, you are beautiful, my beloved! Ah, you are beautiful!(Songs 1:15)

He will rejoice over you with gladness, and renew you in His love. He will sing joyfully because of you, as one sings at festivals. (Zephaniah 3:17)

It is finished. (John 19:30)

I know that it hurts. I know it very well. It won't necessarily stop hurting when you turn to Him, because that's not the way it works.

Go to Confession. Go for a long walk in a quiet place. Go for a drive and stop in the middle of nowhere. Go to Adoration. Go to Confession.

Tell Him everything, dear heart. Tell Him where it hurts; tell Him how you feel lonely or insignificant or broken or lost or not good enough or all of them at once.

Maybe you'll never get that scholarship or that grade or that time or that raise or that boyfriend or that baby or whatever else it is you're wanting. Maybe you'll never, ever, get it. Maybe that will always hurt.

But that's okay.

That's not what you're really longing for, is it?

You want to be happy, with everything you are. You want joy.

Dear heart, He'll give you that.

He'll give you Himself; because as much as you're aching for whatever it is you're aching for, He's aching for you just as much.

The thing is, He doesn't really care what you've done. He will always, always love you, when you're at your best.

But He loves you just as much when you're at your worst, too. He loves Peter, even when Peter denied Him. He loves Thomas, even when Thomas doubted Him. He loves you, even when you deny Him or doubt Him or reject Him. He will leave the ninety-nine to find you, because He thought you were worth making, and He doesn't want you to die not realizing that He died for you. 

He might not give you what it is you're wanting right now. or He might. I have no idea. But He will give you peace. He will give you strength. He will give you faith.

ask. 

He will give you guidance. He will give you patience. He will give you hope.

seek.

He will give you light. He will give you truth. He will give you love.

knock.


Deep down, you are searching for light, for peace, for rest, for Him.
He will give you that. Always.
Run to Jesus, dear heart. He is waiting for you with open arms.

While he was still a long way off, his father caught sight of him and was deeply moved. he ran out to meet him, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. (Luke 15:20)

Maybe this isn't one of those days, but if it isn't, then that day will come, and please remember: you are loved.

I'm praying for you.