saint mary magdalene

JMJ
AMDG

Mary Magdalene is the woman whom Jesus set free from seven demons who became a disciple and followed him to the cross and was there at the tomb early on Sunday morning while it was still dark. She was sent to tell the apostles that He had risen, and so because she's the first official missionary, she holds a special place in my heart. Some people, myself included, go with the theory that Mary Magdalene is the reformed prostitute who anointed Jesus' feet and washed them with her tears and dried them with her hair. Some people say no, that was a different woman. it's also clear as to whether or not Mary Magdalene is the Mary who was the sister of Lazarus and Martha.

Whoever she is, Mary Magdalene was a mess before Jesus delivered her. She was broken and lost and then He picked her up out of the dust of her sins and her mess and she became a perfect, god-fearing saint of a woman.

Except she didn't.

oh, and check this out. i'd never heard it before
and it's super cool. 

She didn't trust that He would rise again, because on Sunday morning, she was going to anoint His body.

She was so distraught she didn't recognize Him, thinking He was the gardener.

And when He called her name---Mary

--she knew He was calling her, and she ran to Him.

Still, not in quite the right way at first. He told her to stop clinging to Him{stop touching Him} He was asking her to love Him as her Savior, and not just as her teacher. He was asking her to proclaim Him risen; He was asking her to live for Him every day for as long as she lived because He loves her and He didn't want to spend eternity without her.

And she did; she loved him with everything she was, but because she was human she was a sinner and according to tradition, she spent years living alone in the desert praying and fasting.

Mary Magdalene gives me a lot of hope, because I'm a mess.

It's easy to think, after a conversion or a retreat or a really good homily or Confession or any deep, profound spiritual experience, that you Have Got It All Under Control. It's easy to think that your life will now change and you'll just sail along with life and waltz straight into heaven.

Be still a moment. Can you hear the angels laughing?

You don't have it under control. A day or a week or a month or a year or five years later I guarantee you will be losing your mind over nothing and you will be cranky and far from God and be the antithesis of Under Control.

Sure, you can change your life, or rather, let God change it for you. But you're still human, and like Mary Magdalene, even after He's delivered you, you can still doubt. You probably will doubt. You'll probably have days of crying over nothing and days where you go to confession for that stupid thing that you just can't seem to get over.

And that's okay. Sure, strive for holiness. Strive to be perfect, as your Father in Heaven is perfect.

But remember, when you fall, He will always pick you back up again, no matter how many times you've fallen before or what you've done in the past.

Mary Magdalene is a great reminder of this, and as I stumble along the road to Heaven, tripping over my own feet, I ask her to pray for me, and I ask Jesus for the mercy He showed her.

St. Mary Magdalene, pray for us!

blessed frederic ozanam

JMJ
AMDG

1813-1853
Once upon a time, Frederic Ozanam was a normal guy. He was a college student. A Catholic college student. Although he'd struggled with his faith as a teenager, he'd come to accept it and believe in it, but still, it took him by surprise one day when at a debate club, a club member said, "Let us be frank, Mr. Ozanam; let us also be very particular. What do you do besides talk to prove the faith you claim is in you?"

And that hit home for twenty year old Frederic. He and some friends started visiting the Paris slums, and eventually he was a founder of the St. Vincent de Paul Society. 

Frederic Ozanam, in case you hadn't
figured that out.

He was an everyman-sort-of-saint--there are no great miracles attributed to Frederic in his lifetime, no years spent living alone in the desert wilds, no stigmata, no levitation or speaking in tongues. 

But the thing is, he knew how to love.

He loved the poor; he loved the disadvantaged. He loved the people of Paris--he talked the bishop into bringing in a priest skilled in preaching to lead a Lenten mission at Notre Dame; he was a literature professor, and he loved his students.

He loved his wife---Frederic Ozanam married Amelie Soulacroix on June 23, 1841, and from then on, on the twenty third of every month, he gave Amelie a bouquet of flowers. After two miscarriages, they were blessed with a daughter, Marie, and so Frederic loved her with everything he had, the way he loved everyone God gave him.

Frederic Ozanam died of tuberculosis when he was forty years old, but he gave that time to God and the people around him came to know God and His mercy through Frederic. God called Frederic to be a missionary of mercy.

He's calling you to do the same.

Blessed Frederic Ozanam, pray for us!

**note-- i'm really bad at being merciful, so to whomever's reading this: pray for me?

holy and venerable hands

JMJ

AMDG

One of my favorite things about the 2011 Mass translation is the phrase "holy and venerable hands" in Eucharistic prayer I. 

this is by Juan de Juanes, in case you were wondering. 

I think I love it mostly because it's so human.

I love it because God chose to have hands, to touch the messy realness of our world. I love it because I stare at my hands and think, I have a God who chose to look like me.

I love it because it brings out the truth of the Incarnation, that God became flesh and dwelt among us.

In ancient times, there was a tradition of tattooing the master's name on the slave's hand. Isaiah 44:5 reflects this: One shall say, "I am the Lord's," another shall be named after Jacob, and this one shall write on his hand, "the Lord's", and Israel shall be his surname. One of my friends has the phrase "Yahweh yireh" or "God will provide" tattooed in Hebrew on her wrist. The idea of religious tattoos, of our bodies bearing the mark of God, is nothing new. Paul speaks of this after a fashion in Galatians 6:17--henceforth, let no man trouble me, for I bear the brand marks of Jesus in my body, although he is referencing the marks left on his body by persecution. Whatever the cause of these brands, they are there for a remembrance, a physical exhortation to never forget the God Who has saved us.

But it goes even deeper than that. In Isaiah 49:15-16, the Lord says, Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you. See, upon the palms of my hands I have written your name, and He is making Himself our servant. He is like us in all things but sin, and He came to love us, to redeem us, to give us everything we could ever have imagined and more. He let nails be driven through his hands for you, and his pierced hands are Him telling you that He loves you. He washes our feet, forgives our sins, heals our wounds, dies so that we don't have to.

He is telling you that you are loved, that you are His, and that He will never forget you.

He took on a body for us, a body with hands, and when He lifted up the bread and wine that was His body and blood, that night two thousand years ago, He was thinking of you.

Holy and venerable hands--because He loves you.  <3

for those days

JMJ
AMDG

So, this is one of those days when the cat went missing and your keys went missing and that five bucks you thought you left in your back pocket isn't there, and you dropped your toast honey side down on the floor you didn't sweep, and now you're a mess and you got something sticky all down the front of your shirt and you're overall just a mess.

It's one of those days when you're crying in the shower and you're crying at your desk and trying not to let it show. It's one of those days when if you look out the window for too long, the trees will start to remind you of whatever it is that is breaking your heart and you start crying again.

Or maybe it's not one of those days. Maybe it's one of those weeks, one of those months, one of those winters, one of those years, of those couple years. Maybe you feel broken and unloved and lost and you don't know what to do or where to turn.

Dear heart, go to Jesus.

Once upon a time, not that long ago, I was having one of those years and my world was falling apart around me and I'd tried pride and I'd tried stubbornness and I'd tried getting angry and I was so, so afraid to try Jesus, because what if He didn't care?

Dear heart, He does.

He thinks you're beautiful. He rejoices over you. He is wildly, madly, in love with you. 

Ah, you are beautiful, my beloved! Ah, you are beautiful!(Songs 1:15)

He will rejoice over you with gladness, and renew you in His love. He will sing joyfully because of you, as one sings at festivals. (Zephaniah 3:17)

It is finished. (John 19:30)

I know that it hurts. I know it very well. It won't necessarily stop hurting when you turn to Him, because that's not the way it works.

Go to Confession. Go for a long walk in a quiet place. Go for a drive and stop in the middle of nowhere. Go to Adoration. Go to Confession.

Tell Him everything, dear heart. Tell Him where it hurts; tell Him how you feel lonely or insignificant or broken or lost or not good enough or all of them at once.

Maybe you'll never get that scholarship or that grade or that time or that raise or that boyfriend or that baby or whatever else it is you're wanting. Maybe you'll never, ever, get it. Maybe that will always hurt.

But that's okay.

That's not what you're really longing for, is it?

You want to be happy, with everything you are. You want joy.

Dear heart, He'll give you that.

He'll give you Himself; because as much as you're aching for whatever it is you're aching for, He's aching for you just as much.

The thing is, He doesn't really care what you've done. He will always, always love you, when you're at your best.

But He loves you just as much when you're at your worst, too. He loves Peter, even when Peter denied Him. He loves Thomas, even when Thomas doubted Him. He loves you, even when you deny Him or doubt Him or reject Him. He will leave the ninety-nine to find you, because He thought you were worth making, and He doesn't want you to die not realizing that He died for you. 

He might not give you what it is you're wanting right now. or He might. I have no idea. But He will give you peace. He will give you strength. He will give you faith.

ask. 

He will give you guidance. He will give you patience. He will give you hope.

seek.

He will give you light. He will give you truth. He will give you love.

knock.


Deep down, you are searching for light, for peace, for rest, for Him.
He will give you that. Always.
Run to Jesus, dear heart. He is waiting for you with open arms.

While he was still a long way off, his father caught sight of him and was deeply moved. he ran out to meet him, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. (Luke 15:20)

Maybe this isn't one of those days, but if it isn't, then that day will come, and please remember: you are loved.

I'm praying for you.

love then, consists in this

JMJ

AMDG

You are loved.

Really.

You don't get a choice in that. You are loved beyond the farthest reaches of human comprehension by a God Who allowed Himself to suffer all the small indignities of human life; Who allowed Himself to be beaten into a bloody mess and crowned with thorns and kicked and spat on and nailed to a piece of wood because He wanted to prove to you--you--that He loves you. He wants to be with you--you forever. For all eternity.

It didn't have to cost Him anything. He's God, after all. He could have waved His hand and started over. He could have made it so that Eden just didn't matter. He could have shrugged and let the world spin out its days without hope of Him.

Except, He couldn't.

He couldn't, because He loves you, and you can run from that love all you want. I ran for a long, long time, but He is faster and He will always catch up with you, because darling, He's God. He's wildly, passionately in love with you and He can and He will do whatever is necessary to make sure you know that.

The book of Hosea is often forgotten. It’s towards the back of the Old Testament, and it tells the story of Hosea, who married the harlot Gomer. Gomer left Hosea but he went after her and bought her back with everything he had.

And the thing is, this isn't just a story about an Old Testament couple who could have used counseling. No, this, like everything in the Bible, means something. In this case, it's an analogy for the way that God loves Israel. It’s an analogy for the way God loves the world; the way God loves the Church; the way God loves you. 

And in Hosea 2, God says to Israel---God says to you: "I will espouse you to me forever; I will espouse you in right and in justice, in love and in mercy; I will espouse you in fidelity and you shall know the Lord." --Hosea 2:21-22

And in Isaiah 62:4-5, He says, "No more shall men call you "Forsaken," or your land "Desolate," but you shall be called "My Delight," and your land "Espoused." For the Lord delights in you, and makes your land his spouse. As a young man marries a virgin, your Builder shall marry you; and as a bridegroom rejoices in his bride, so shall your God rejoice in you."

Or did you ever read the Song of Songs? Where He calls you beautiful? (Songs 1:15; 4:1), where He calls you "as awe-inspiring as bannered troops"? (Songs 6:4), where he calls you His beloved? (Songs 2:10)

Or what about 1 John 4:10--love, then, consists in this: not that we have loved God, but that He has loved us and has sent His Son as an offering for our sins.

And those verses are by no means comprehensive; the love story that is you and God is written all over the pages of the Bible, from Genesis where he breathed life into humankind so that we might know Him, to Revelation, where He promises us glory if we will only accept His love.

Dear heart, God loves you as His bride.

There is no reason why He had to make humans. God is perfect in and of Himself, and He could have gone on being Himself and not ever made anything.

Except He didn't want to, because that meant He never would have made you, and he is deeply, intensely in love with you. 

He loves you as a man loves his bride, whether you are man or woman, married or single, young or old. He gives you jewelry in raindrops and lightning and stars; He gives you flowers in every roadside blossom or greenhouse or forest; He gives you Himself, body, blood, soul and divinity, in every Mass.

Love, then, consists in this: a God Who would die for you for no other reason than because He loves you. He died for your sins because He doesn't want to spend eternity without you. He is waiting for you in the Eucharist because He doesn't want you to be alone. 

The greatest love story of all time is 

contained in a tiny white Host

--Fulton Sheen

Maybe you don't feel loved right now. Maybe you've never felt that loved. Or maybe you have close friends and a strong family who care about you deeply, but His love is better than anything and it is far, far better than any love we can have between any two humans.

St. Augustine wrote, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in You, O Lord,", so go, and let Him give you rest. Go, and let Him love you. 

Let Him love you, dear heart. Let him fill every corner of your dented, dusty soul, and let Him make you new again. Go to Confession. Sit with Him in Adoration. 

Let Him love you.

Because He does. And you can never, ever change that. 

********

note--this is probably mostly for the women. Or maybe it's for men too. I’m very much a woman, and so I don't have the inside scoop on how men think. If you're a man and this speaks to you, that is awesome, and blessed be God. But if you're a man and you think I’m crazy or that this is really weird, I'm sorry, but this wasn't really written with you in mind.

on leaving home

I've been thinking a lot about home lately.

I only have six and a half months left here, here being my parents' house where I've lived for nearly eighteen years; here being Ohio; here being this little corner of the world where I've spent all my life to date.

But is here really home?
They say home is where the heart is, but the thing is, my heart is in so many places.

My heart is in the passenger seat of my best friend's car, where we've had so many conversations about saints and boys and love and Doctor Who and marriage and God and nothing in particular. Love you, Abbs.

My heart is in the YMCA where I've worked since sophomore year of high school, with the kids I coach, all of them messy and funny and just barely starting to grow up.

My heart is in the big library downtown, where my friends and I used to hang out like the nerds we were are.

My heart is in the dogwood tree in my front yard. My heart is in the creek that runs through my neighborhood. My heart is in all the words I've written and all the songs I've sung in this little house here in the Midwest-that's-not-the-Midwest.

But more than any of those things, my heart is in the little chapel my best friend and I snuck into at ten pm. My heart is in the little Portiuncula chapel I found my way to last month. My heart is in the big almost-empty church downtown where my friends and I used to meet for Mass and picnics after. My heart is in the old church where I made my first communion; where I was confirmed. My heart is in the church a mile and a half down the road from my house; my heart is where He is.

Home is where His heart is.
Wherever there is a Tabernacle, there is a home for me, and by God's grace, I will not miss here too much, because how can you be homesick when you're already home?

I am leaving here this August. I am setting off on a journey; a quest of sorts. I am going to be working with NET Ministries, traveling the country telling people of His love and singing His name and being wildly, madly in love with Him and encouraging others to do the same.

I am nervous and I am excited and this is all so wild and crazy and I can't wait.

I am going on an adventure. I don't expect I shall return. In fact, I plan not to. I plan to leave myself scattered across the United States, in churches and chapels, in houses and on highways, because I plan to fall in love this year, and falling in love means being broken and fitting Someone else between the cracks until you're someone new entirely.

By the grace of God, I will be leaving here in six and a half months.

I will not be leaving home.