things i've learned

JMJ
AMDG

This is more a letter to my preteen/young teenage self than anything.

1. You are more beautiful than you know. You are more of a mess than you know. You are loved more than you could ever comprehend.
2. Being "not like other girls" isn't any way to try to go through life. Girls can like Anne of Green Gables and girls can like superheroes and girls can like makeup and girls can like music and art and math and writing and none of these things are what defines you and you can like more than one thing at once.
3. Also, have friends who are girls. They may be harder to get to know than the guys, but it is worth it. Find girls who will love you as you are, but who will also push you to be kinder, realer, holier.
4. If it is worth doing, it is worth doing badly. It if is important, go for it, even if you might kinda suck at whatever it is at first.
5. People probably aren't thinking about what you're wearing as much as you are. That being said, wear clothes that fit you and flatter you and find a style that suits your body and personality. You'll feel better about the way you look, even if no one else notices.
6. Sharing your faith isn't actually that terrifying. Go for it.
7. Good music can change your mood. So can a shower. So can chocolate. So can a talk with a good friend. Don't be afraid to be happy. Don't make yourself miserable.
8. Read things that make you laugh; make you cry; make you think. Make time for beauty.
9. You can't do anything that will diminish your intrinsic worth as a human being; nor can you ever make God stop loving you.
10. Your dream, your path in life, the plan God has for you may not look like everyone else's, and that's okay. Or it might look surprisingly normal, and that's just as okay.
11. Go to confession. It's okay if you cry. It's okay if it's been a few months, or years, or decades.
12. Sing loudly in Mass/church services/bonfire singalongs/car dance parties. You have nothing to lose and your voice is not as awful as you're convinced it is. A joyful voice is better than an operatic one.
13. Changing your sheets always feels really nice. So does walking into a tidy bedroom. this is lowkey directed at my sisters who read my blog, but really, it's a great way to end your day.
14. Actually talk to God about stuff--your fears, hopes, dreams, what you did that day, how much you like nachos, whatever. Writing it down helps me focus, so maybe also get a journal.
15. If that guy doesn't like you back, you will live through it. Really. Really, I swear.
16. Sometimes the kindest people are the ones who look the messiest on the outside.
17. There is such a thing as oversharing, but it's healthy and good to be vulnerable and open up about what you're dealing with at any given time instead of keeping it all inside.
18. Find what makes you happy. Do it. Love things. Love people. Fall wildly, messily in love with things and care about things and take an interest in the world around you. God didn't create the world as a massive temptation waiting to trip you up at every step; He made it as a gift to us. It's only natural to accept it.
19. Dancing with guys isn't that big a deal. and if the guys won't dance, dance with your girlfriends. There's no reason someone else's lack of participation should mean you can't have fun.
20. Smile at people. Be kind. Learn to look at them the way Jesus would.
21. You'll fail. you are not a failure.
22. You might not be conventionally pretty. You might hate the way you look, or other people might ridicule you for it. Ignore them. Ignore your own negative thoughts. You may not be pretty, but as a daughter of God, you will always be beautiful.
23. Live bravely. Live beautifully. Laugh a lot, even if no one else is. God bless.

holy and venerable hands

JMJ

AMDG

One of my favorite things about the 2011 Mass translation is the phrase "holy and venerable hands" in Eucharistic prayer I. 

this is by Juan de Juanes, in case you were wondering. 

I think I love it mostly because it's so human.

I love it because God chose to have hands, to touch the messy realness of our world. I love it because I stare at my hands and think, I have a God who chose to look like me.

I love it because it brings out the truth of the Incarnation, that God became flesh and dwelt among us.

In ancient times, there was a tradition of tattooing the master's name on the slave's hand. Isaiah 44:5 reflects this: One shall say, "I am the Lord's," another shall be named after Jacob, and this one shall write on his hand, "the Lord's", and Israel shall be his surname. One of my friends has the phrase "Yahweh yireh" or "God will provide" tattooed in Hebrew on her wrist. The idea of religious tattoos, of our bodies bearing the mark of God, is nothing new. Paul speaks of this after a fashion in Galatians 6:17--henceforth, let no man trouble me, for I bear the brand marks of Jesus in my body, although he is referencing the marks left on his body by persecution. Whatever the cause of these brands, they are there for a remembrance, a physical exhortation to never forget the God Who has saved us.

But it goes even deeper than that. In Isaiah 49:15-16, the Lord says, Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you. See, upon the palms of my hands I have written your name, and He is making Himself our servant. He is like us in all things but sin, and He came to love us, to redeem us, to give us everything we could ever have imagined and more. He let nails be driven through his hands for you, and his pierced hands are Him telling you that He loves you. He washes our feet, forgives our sins, heals our wounds, dies so that we don't have to.

He is telling you that you are loved, that you are His, and that He will never forget you.

He took on a body for us, a body with hands, and when He lifted up the bread and wine that was His body and blood, that night two thousand years ago, He was thinking of you.

Holy and venerable hands--because He loves you.  <3

for those days

JMJ
AMDG

So, this is one of those days when the cat went missing and your keys went missing and that five bucks you thought you left in your back pocket isn't there, and you dropped your toast honey side down on the floor you didn't sweep, and now you're a mess and you got something sticky all down the front of your shirt and you're overall just a mess.

It's one of those days when you're crying in the shower and you're crying at your desk and trying not to let it show. It's one of those days when if you look out the window for too long, the trees will start to remind you of whatever it is that is breaking your heart and you start crying again.

Or maybe it's not one of those days. Maybe it's one of those weeks, one of those months, one of those winters, one of those years, of those couple years. Maybe you feel broken and unloved and lost and you don't know what to do or where to turn.

Dear heart, go to Jesus.

Once upon a time, not that long ago, I was having one of those years and my world was falling apart around me and I'd tried pride and I'd tried stubbornness and I'd tried getting angry and I was so, so afraid to try Jesus, because what if He didn't care?

Dear heart, He does.

He thinks you're beautiful. He rejoices over you. He is wildly, madly, in love with you. 

Ah, you are beautiful, my beloved! Ah, you are beautiful!(Songs 1:15)

He will rejoice over you with gladness, and renew you in His love. He will sing joyfully because of you, as one sings at festivals. (Zephaniah 3:17)

It is finished. (John 19:30)

I know that it hurts. I know it very well. It won't necessarily stop hurting when you turn to Him, because that's not the way it works.

Go to Confession. Go for a long walk in a quiet place. Go for a drive and stop in the middle of nowhere. Go to Adoration. Go to Confession.

Tell Him everything, dear heart. Tell Him where it hurts; tell Him how you feel lonely or insignificant or broken or lost or not good enough or all of them at once.

Maybe you'll never get that scholarship or that grade or that time or that raise or that boyfriend or that baby or whatever else it is you're wanting. Maybe you'll never, ever, get it. Maybe that will always hurt.

But that's okay.

That's not what you're really longing for, is it?

You want to be happy, with everything you are. You want joy.

Dear heart, He'll give you that.

He'll give you Himself; because as much as you're aching for whatever it is you're aching for, He's aching for you just as much.

The thing is, He doesn't really care what you've done. He will always, always love you, when you're at your best.

But He loves you just as much when you're at your worst, too. He loves Peter, even when Peter denied Him. He loves Thomas, even when Thomas doubted Him. He loves you, even when you deny Him or doubt Him or reject Him. He will leave the ninety-nine to find you, because He thought you were worth making, and He doesn't want you to die not realizing that He died for you. 

He might not give you what it is you're wanting right now. or He might. I have no idea. But He will give you peace. He will give you strength. He will give you faith.

ask. 

He will give you guidance. He will give you patience. He will give you hope.

seek.

He will give you light. He will give you truth. He will give you love.

knock.


Deep down, you are searching for light, for peace, for rest, for Him.
He will give you that. Always.
Run to Jesus, dear heart. He is waiting for you with open arms.

While he was still a long way off, his father caught sight of him and was deeply moved. he ran out to meet him, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. (Luke 15:20)

Maybe this isn't one of those days, but if it isn't, then that day will come, and please remember: you are loved.

I'm praying for you.

love then, consists in this

JMJ

AMDG

You are loved.

Really.

You don't get a choice in that. You are loved beyond the farthest reaches of human comprehension by a God Who allowed Himself to suffer all the small indignities of human life; Who allowed Himself to be beaten into a bloody mess and crowned with thorns and kicked and spat on and nailed to a piece of wood because He wanted to prove to you--you--that He loves you. He wants to be with you--you forever. For all eternity.

It didn't have to cost Him anything. He's God, after all. He could have waved His hand and started over. He could have made it so that Eden just didn't matter. He could have shrugged and let the world spin out its days without hope of Him.

Except, He couldn't.

He couldn't, because He loves you, and you can run from that love all you want. I ran for a long, long time, but He is faster and He will always catch up with you, because darling, He's God. He's wildly, passionately in love with you and He can and He will do whatever is necessary to make sure you know that.

The book of Hosea is often forgotten. It’s towards the back of the Old Testament, and it tells the story of Hosea, who married the harlot Gomer. Gomer left Hosea but he went after her and bought her back with everything he had.

And the thing is, this isn't just a story about an Old Testament couple who could have used counseling. No, this, like everything in the Bible, means something. In this case, it's an analogy for the way that God loves Israel. It’s an analogy for the way God loves the world; the way God loves the Church; the way God loves you. 

And in Hosea 2, God says to Israel---God says to you: "I will espouse you to me forever; I will espouse you in right and in justice, in love and in mercy; I will espouse you in fidelity and you shall know the Lord." --Hosea 2:21-22

And in Isaiah 62:4-5, He says, "No more shall men call you "Forsaken," or your land "Desolate," but you shall be called "My Delight," and your land "Espoused." For the Lord delights in you, and makes your land his spouse. As a young man marries a virgin, your Builder shall marry you; and as a bridegroom rejoices in his bride, so shall your God rejoice in you."

Or did you ever read the Song of Songs? Where He calls you beautiful? (Songs 1:15; 4:1), where He calls you "as awe-inspiring as bannered troops"? (Songs 6:4), where he calls you His beloved? (Songs 2:10)

Or what about 1 John 4:10--love, then, consists in this: not that we have loved God, but that He has loved us and has sent His Son as an offering for our sins.

And those verses are by no means comprehensive; the love story that is you and God is written all over the pages of the Bible, from Genesis where he breathed life into humankind so that we might know Him, to Revelation, where He promises us glory if we will only accept His love.

Dear heart, God loves you as His bride.

There is no reason why He had to make humans. God is perfect in and of Himself, and He could have gone on being Himself and not ever made anything.

Except He didn't want to, because that meant He never would have made you, and he is deeply, intensely in love with you. 

He loves you as a man loves his bride, whether you are man or woman, married or single, young or old. He gives you jewelry in raindrops and lightning and stars; He gives you flowers in every roadside blossom or greenhouse or forest; He gives you Himself, body, blood, soul and divinity, in every Mass.

Love, then, consists in this: a God Who would die for you for no other reason than because He loves you. He died for your sins because He doesn't want to spend eternity without you. He is waiting for you in the Eucharist because He doesn't want you to be alone. 

The greatest love story of all time is 

contained in a tiny white Host

--Fulton Sheen

Maybe you don't feel loved right now. Maybe you've never felt that loved. Or maybe you have close friends and a strong family who care about you deeply, but His love is better than anything and it is far, far better than any love we can have between any two humans.

St. Augustine wrote, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in You, O Lord,", so go, and let Him give you rest. Go, and let Him love you. 

Let Him love you, dear heart. Let him fill every corner of your dented, dusty soul, and let Him make you new again. Go to Confession. Sit with Him in Adoration. 

Let Him love you.

Because He does. And you can never, ever change that. 

********

note--this is probably mostly for the women. Or maybe it's for men too. I’m very much a woman, and so I don't have the inside scoop on how men think. If you're a man and this speaks to you, that is awesome, and blessed be God. But if you're a man and you think I’m crazy or that this is really weird, I'm sorry, but this wasn't really written with you in mind.

the intrinsic superpower of womanhood

JMJ

AMDG

Women can get a lot of hate.

It’s shown in the way that every guy has that sappy falsetto he slips into whenever he's talking about something a girl said. It’s shown in the way that my dad gets laughs and comments whenever he mentions that he has four daughters. It’s the way that girls are laughed at for wanting to be pretty, wanting to be loved, wanting to change the world. It's shown in the way that people swing to extremes when talking about women--have ten kids if you want to be a good person! have a great career and be a CEO if  you want to have a good life!

Excuse me, have you ever actually met a woman?

Women are so much more than this.

It was a girl, who, when my world was falling apart around me, befriended me and showed me that life was good. It was a girl who taught me to love Mary as a person and not just as an idea. It has been girls who've taught me what it is that femininity looks like. It’s been girls who've given me a definite idea of who exactly it is I want to be.

There have been women of all ages and walks of life. There have been a lot of deep discussions and small groups and laughter and tears. There have been a lot of hugs hello and goodbye, and while girls can be nasty and snide and mean as all get out, there aren't many people who will hold you as tightly as your girlfriends will.

Cause here's the thing: women are insanely good at loving.

Some women show it more than others. Some women will be the ooey-gooey-lovey-squishy kind of women, and that's okay.

And some women hate wearing skirts and love video games and other stereotypical manly things, and that's okay too, because the thing is, women, when living for God, have a natural gift of loving other people.

Mothers are the best when it comes to loving, and all women are called to be mothers.

Some women will bear children from their body. Some won't. Some will someday but haven't yet. All women, though, bear a natural calling to motherhood.

You may find your children in the soul that you carry inside you for nine months. You may feed them smashed-up peas and other dubious soft goo. You may have to refuse to let them wear the ballerina tutu out of the house. You may have to refuse to let them wear that shirt out of the house. Your husband may walk them down the aisle at their weddings.

"The world does not need what women have.
It needs what women are."

--Saint Edith Stein

(Teresa Benedicta of the Cross)

Or you might find them in the girl who’s three years younger than you, the one who doesn't smile very often and looks a little terrified to do so. You may find them in kids you are paid to care for. You may find them in your siblings or cousins or someone else's siblings or cousins. You may find them in people your own age or people older or people younger.

Motherhood is not a choice. It is a treasure, and it is up to you to find where it lies.

It is written in the way our bodies are softer and smaller than men, made for holding tight to someone who's drifting or wide awake at one am or simply tired of living.

It is written in the way that women are more expressive about the little things; the way women lean forward when they're talking to one another. It is written in the way that we are so much quicker to touch, to embrace, to fall in love with someone whether they love us back or not. It is written in our desire to be beautiful--to make our very bodies echo the love that lies inside.

Note--beautiful can mean Audrey Hepburn or it can mean sparkly princess or it can mean jeans and converse or some of all of them, just like loving can mean screaming or whispering or laughing at night when everyone else is asleep.

My sisters, you hold such greatness inside you, and you are beautiful.

I’m not saying every girl is perfect. None of them are. I’m not saying every girl is a saint.

But every girl has the potential to be.

Dear heart, if you are reading this, you are worth it. You are worth Jesus dying for you and so you are worth it.

You have the power within you to go out and be a doctor or a mother or both. You can be an artist or a scientist or a writer or you can work at McDonalds and you will still be worth it.

Dear heart, you are far more beautiful than you know.

And those nights you've stayed up wondering if anyone would ever love you? It’s okay, He does.

Those days you've stared at college applications or job applications and wondered if you'd ever make it? It's okay. Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6-7)

Dear heart, you are beautiful and you are loved beyond all imagining and I don't care what you've done in the past, because He is standing before you with open arms, ready to forgive.

Dear heart, you can be a saint. In fact, you're meant to be.

And yes, I know how mean women can be. I’ve been on the receiving end of that before, and if you're reading this and wondering how I can tell that girl who's a b****h to you that she's beautiful, it's because she is. It’s because she, without a doubt, is loved by God, and that makes her worth something. And I know she might have cut you deep. I know it's hard to forgive. I know that it might take a long time.

But dear heart, being beautiful doesn't mean you can't be broken, too. Both you and she are both beautiful. Learn to live that and learn to see that in her.

If you are a woman, than that means you have the power to take on the world.

Go, and love with everything you are. The rest will come.

I’m praying for you.