deserts & manure

JMJ
AMDG
There are two passages I've come across lately in my Bible reading that have really stuck out.

So I will allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak to her heart. (Hosea 2:16)

A man had a fig tree growing in his vineyard, and he came out looking for fruit on it but did not find any. He said to the vinedresser, "Look here! For three years now I have come in search of fruit on this fig tree and found none. Cut it down. Why should it clutter up the ground?" In answer, the man said, "Sir, leave it another year, while I hoe around it and manure it; then perhaps it will bear fruit. If not, it shall be cut down." (Luke 13:6-9)

I think what this means is that it is sometimes necessary for life to suck.
I think what this means is that sometimes actual crap is what is necessary for our conversion and for us to turn to God.

It is an uncomfortable truth, to be sure, and rather a strange one.
He says, So I will allure her, and we think of pleasant times, of romance and sunsets and hours in Adoration where everything *feels good*--but then He continues, I will lead her into the desert and we aren't so sure anymore and WHAT IS THIS I WANT OFF.
But then He speaks to my heart. And to your heart. And that makes it worth it.

Because the desert is not the end game. The desert is not the point of life. The desert is a part of growing up. The desert is the spiritual equivalent of your awkward fashion phase in middle school. It will pass. It may take a while. It will pass.

The point of the desert is not to make you miserable. The point of the desert is to quiet your mind so that you can hear His voice again.

When He says I will hoe around it and manure it we get nervous. We want to hold onto the weeds in our lives, the little sins that are slowly choking us to death. We want thin soil, because it is safe; because it doesn't smell or feel uncomfortable.

But He knows best, and so sometimes it is necessary for stuff to stink. Sometimes we need hardship to develop the skills that lie inside us.

But remember: the point of the manure is not for it to be awful and painful and lead you to self-loathing. The point of manure is to help you grow. The point of the manure is for you to bear fruit.

And let's also remember that a good gardener does not wildly fling animal dung at his garden like WHOA YEAH LET'S MAKE A MESS IN HERE I BET I CAN COMPLETELY COVER THESE PLANTS WITH THIS MANURE. A good gardener analyzes the situation and gives a plant what it needs to grow. Sometimes that's manure. Sometimes it's more sun or more shade or maybe it needs to be watered.

And besides, this will not last forever. The last lines of Hosea chapter 2 are as follows:

From there I will give her the vineyard she had,

 and the valley of Achor as a door of hope. 

She shall respond there as in the days of her youth, 

when she came up from the land of Egypt. 

On that day, says the Lord, 

she shall call me "My husband" 

and never again, "My baal"*

Then I shall remove from her mouth all the names of the Baals, 

so that they shall no longer be invoked.

I will make a covenant for them on that day, 

with the beasts of the field, 

with the birds of the air, 

and with the things that crawl on the ground. 

Bow and sword and war 

I will destroy from the land, and 

I will let them take their rest in security. 

I will espouse you to me forever; 

I will espouse you in right and in justice, 

in love and in mercy; 

I will espouse you in fidelity, and you shall know the Lord. 

On that day I will respond, says the Lord;

 I will respond to the heavens,and they shall respond to the earth; 

The earth shall respond to the grain, and wine, and oil, 

and these shall respond to Jezreel. 

I will sow him for myself in the land, 

and will have pity on Lo-ruhama. 

I will say to Lo-ammi, "You are my people," 

and he shall say, "My God." 

(Hosea 2:17-25)

God bless. I'm praying for you.

*baal: lord/master

when we talk about Mary

JMJ
AMDG

There's a lot of talk bouncing around the world and in particular, the Internet, about how "Catholics hate women!" to which Catholics fling back "no we don't! look at these fifty million paintings of Mary in which she acts like an impossible woman who never broke a fingernail, much less a sweat!"

I'm paraphrasing, of course, but can we stop that?

Blessed Chiara Luce Badano

Instead, when we talk about Catholic women, can we talk about Chiara Luce Badano? who was born in 1971 and who liked dancing and swimming and pop music but who lived completely for Jesus and who died of osteoporosis at nineteen, after refusing morphine because she wanted to be lucid and offer her suffering to God?

Can we talk about Pulcheria, who was an empress? And scholar? Who was so brilliant that the church fathers asked her advice in fighting against the Nestorian heresy?

Can we talk about Mary Magdalene, who is my homegirl cause she was rather a trainwreck of a saint, and it's right in the Gospels that she was crying too much to notice Jesus and tbh that's me and I need women who were messy and real but still holy; still beloved.

Can we talk about Catherine(of Siena) who told the pope to go back and live in Rome and lead the church? who did this in a time when women weren't supposed to have opinions?

Can we talk about Catherine(of Alexandria) who not only was put on trial for her faith, but she converted all the philosophers/judges who were supposed to be convicting her? Who died because she loved Jesus? Oh, and she was eighteen when all this went down.

When we talk about Catholic women, can we stop pinning Therese(of Lisieux) into a nice, neat little box of being a sweetheart and remember that she's a doctor of the Church? That despite being told to be quiet she up and talked to Pope Leo XIII during an audience and asked if she could enter Carmel?

Can we talk about Joan (of Arc) who led an army? Who refused to be afraid because she knew God was with her? Who called her soldiers out on using foul language and humor and missing Mass?

Can we talk about Hildegard(of Bingen) who was an abbess, theologian, musician, visionary, artist? Who stood for truth in a time of great heresy? Who is a doctor of the Church?

Saint Edith Stein/Teresa Benedicta

Can we talk about Helen(a), who raised Constantine? Who was largely responsible for the acceptance of Christianity? Who decided in her eighties to go on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land to find the true Cross?

When we talk about Catholic women, can we talk about Edith Stein(aka Teresa Benedicta of the Cross) who was raised in a Jewish family, became atheist as a teenager, and eventually converted to Catholicism after a long, drawn out conversion and lots of study? Whose writings on women are cuttingly relevant today, decades later? Who had lots of sharp edges that were only tamed by the love of God?


Can we talk about all the women saints who weren't supposed to have opinions and weren't supposed to speak up and who weren't supposed to be good at things and be noticed and who weren't supposed to do that, whatever that was? gosh, can't you just get married and follow expectations? can't you do things according to cultural and familial traditions and forget this "universal call to holiness?"

Can we talk about these women who lived the Gospel, in whatever life they lived?

Can we talk about the sheer badassery of women and of saints? (pardon my French)

And then can we stop pretending that Mary was any different? Can we realize that she was the example for all these women?

this is the sort of thing i don't like.

We have this tendency to assume that Mary was this quiet, peaceful girl who never did anything wrong and always was clean and never got acne or even a suntan, despite the fact that she lived in Palestine.

And while she was without sin, that doesn't mean that she never overcooked dinner or dropped things that weren't meant to be dropped or was Milk-White Princess Mary™.

Personally, I hate the Good Catholic version of Mary, doormat Mary; Pinterest Mary, mostly because she's made up.

After all, all these women of God, these brave, daring, amazing women had Mary as their example, and they were human. For goodness' sake, Therese was afraid of spiders.

So being like Mary doesn't--can't--mean being a pushover. It doesn't mean smiling sweetly in a sort of daydreamy haze all the time. It does however, mean being tough as nails, because when we talk about Mary, let's remember that she was still an unmarried teen mother who took a road trip on the back of a donkey while nine months pregnant. She wasn't exactly everyone in Nazareth's idea of a perfect woman.

Really, being like Mary means following God's will. It means running headfirst into whatever He calls you to, whether you understand or not. It means giving everything to Jesus--every minute of every day.

And that is absolutely worth emulating.

God bless.

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NEWS
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things i've learned

JMJ
AMDG

This is more a letter to my preteen/young teenage self than anything.

1. You are more beautiful than you know. You are more of a mess than you know. You are loved more than you could ever comprehend.
2. Being "not like other girls" isn't any way to try to go through life. Girls can like Anne of Green Gables and girls can like superheroes and girls can like makeup and girls can like music and art and math and writing and none of these things are what defines you and you can like more than one thing at once.
3. Also, have friends who are girls. They may be harder to get to know than the guys, but it is worth it. Find girls who will love you as you are, but who will also push you to be kinder, realer, holier.
4. If it is worth doing, it is worth doing badly. It if is important, go for it, even if you might kinda suck at whatever it is at first.
5. People probably aren't thinking about what you're wearing as much as you are. That being said, wear clothes that fit you and flatter you and find a style that suits your body and personality. You'll feel better about the way you look, even if no one else notices.
6. Sharing your faith isn't actually that terrifying. Go for it.
7. Good music can change your mood. So can a shower. So can chocolate. So can a talk with a good friend. Don't be afraid to be happy. Don't make yourself miserable.
8. Read things that make you laugh; make you cry; make you think. Make time for beauty.
9. You can't do anything that will diminish your intrinsic worth as a human being; nor can you ever make God stop loving you.
10. Your dream, your path in life, the plan God has for you may not look like everyone else's, and that's okay. Or it might look surprisingly normal, and that's just as okay.
11. Go to confession. It's okay if you cry. It's okay if it's been a few months, or years, or decades.
12. Sing loudly in Mass/church services/bonfire singalongs/car dance parties. You have nothing to lose and your voice is not as awful as you're convinced it is. A joyful voice is better than an operatic one.
13. Changing your sheets always feels really nice. So does walking into a tidy bedroom. this is lowkey directed at my sisters who read my blog, but really, it's a great way to end your day.
14. Actually talk to God about stuff--your fears, hopes, dreams, what you did that day, how much you like nachos, whatever. Writing it down helps me focus, so maybe also get a journal.
15. If that guy doesn't like you back, you will live through it. Really. Really, I swear.
16. Sometimes the kindest people are the ones who look the messiest on the outside.
17. There is such a thing as oversharing, but it's healthy and good to be vulnerable and open up about what you're dealing with at any given time instead of keeping it all inside.
18. Find what makes you happy. Do it. Love things. Love people. Fall wildly, messily in love with things and care about things and take an interest in the world around you. God didn't create the world as a massive temptation waiting to trip you up at every step; He made it as a gift to us. It's only natural to accept it.
19. Dancing with guys isn't that big a deal. and if the guys won't dance, dance with your girlfriends. There's no reason someone else's lack of participation should mean you can't have fun.
20. Smile at people. Be kind. Learn to look at them the way Jesus would.
21. You'll fail. you are not a failure.
22. You might not be conventionally pretty. You might hate the way you look, or other people might ridicule you for it. Ignore them. Ignore your own negative thoughts. You may not be pretty, but as a daughter of God, you will always be beautiful.
23. Live bravely. Live beautifully. Laugh a lot, even if no one else is. God bless.